I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
