You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
