He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
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And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
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It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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