Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
