i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Found your dick twin last night
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
