I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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