you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
