More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Where is the hickey?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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