I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
