There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
