wanna go halves on a baby?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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