he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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