Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
