Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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