I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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