He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You were trust falling into bushes
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
