What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
