If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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