She is in my trunk
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize