My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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