Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Never underestimate the power of titties
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
