i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
