Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Randomize
