btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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