Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Let's paint friendship bongs
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
