im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
