When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
