Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize