The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
