I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
