I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
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I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
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Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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