I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
