I'm so fucking centered right now
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
