Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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