Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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