I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
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What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
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What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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