Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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