I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Randomize
