Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Randomize
