I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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