The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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