4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
