Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
