Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
