Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
