So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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