If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
