yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Holy sore nipples Batman
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
