I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
