Mattress luging...It's a long story.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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