____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
