shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
