we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I think people are normalizing furries
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
