just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
