Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
