I queefed so loud it echoed.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
