Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
