The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
