What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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