he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize