paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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