"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
