He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
