Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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