also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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