Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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