im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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