Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
