If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
