I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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