Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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