The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
