Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
