I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
