i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
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They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
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Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
why is half of my head shaved?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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