I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Randomize
