She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
