I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
