I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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