You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
