Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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