So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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