hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
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He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
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Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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