i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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