Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
