Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
