Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
