I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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