hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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