Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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